I have finally finished the shawl. It is for my (yet to arrive) fifth grandchild and I struggled with this like none of the others – so much so that I am leaning towards strongly advocating permanent contraception options to all those involved. I know that’s not going to happen and should another child appear on the horizon I’d be getting out the needles again. Only this time I’d take some precautions.
- No TV. I used to be able to do watch TV and knit but NOT ANYMORE. This time I’d be halfway through a row and I’d forget which part of the pattern I was knitting because Jason had just done the unthinkable on Married at First Sight. I blame Jason the dirty bounder, but unpicking rows of 2 ply with holes in it is not easy with questionable eyesight in a dimly lit living room. Especially when you have to keep doing it.
- I’d learn how to count. The picture below shows the so-called “easy” netty part of the shawl. I was only knitting the length of one side at a time – and it was only thirty-six rows. I was even reducing number of stitches as I went so it had to be easy right? It was mental. I couldn’t keep the pattern straight. I’d be zapping along and think, now was that yfwd, K1, yfwd sl1 or was it ywfd K2tog psso K? Both of them you see, make a hole. Where that hole ends up depends entirely on where I am in the pattern and I’ve already told you I am better at watching TV. When it was finally over I discovered I’d knitted a total of 6 sides. One I knew was a dud but it was so hard doing it I thought it might be good to have something up my sleeve in case I died before I’d completely finished. When I found out I still had an extra side I really thought it was time to get drunk.
- I would lay it all out when I was putting it together. Oh yes, I would so do this. This is how you put a shawl together. You knit the middle part. Easy. (In fact that was why I chose this pattern, a simple, straightforward large chunk of knitting in the middle). When that’s done, you knit the netty bit (see No 2 above) and then you knit miles and miles and miles of those pointy dodahs that go around the outside. Simple right? Now this is where you have to understand that I have knitted this shawl before. Admittedly it was a bit big (Sorry Sophie) because I didn’t adjust my tension, but the fact remains that I know how to put it together. Why on earth would I read the instructions. So what I did this time was join all the netty bits in a square first. Clever eh? Except on my first attempt I sewed two ends of one netty thing together to form a delightful loop of netty. Good thing I have 5 sides, I thought as I tossed that one onto the end of the couch and carefully pinned all the netty bits together so I wouldn’t repeat that mistake. Job done. Then I sewed on the dodah’s. Racing along now. Finally, I pinned the edging (which is what they call the netty thing and the dodah’s all joined together) and what did I find? That somewhere along the way I’d twisted the edging when I’d sewn it together. I had to unpick a join (remember 2 ply, tiny stitches impossible to see ), and an edging and the only honest to god Angel on my Shoulder moment was when the piece I’d randomly chosen to unpick was the bit where they all joined up.
So now all this beautiful shawl needs is the baby to do one of those monster yellow poo’s and it’s job done.
Oh, and I’ve worked out if anyone commissions me it would cost them about three and half thousand dollars. Minimum.