Robyn Anderson

I have spent the morning on hold. I decided we needed Nexflix and since Vodofone were offering it for 12 months no charge, I couldn’t resist. And I have to say, the Vodofone sales team were on the ball. Netflix, unlimited broadband, reduced home rental – all for scrapping the free calls to Australia that I don’t make. Win -win. Well, not really. So far it’s been 2 weeks and I’m still waiting to view an episode of Peaky Blinders.  Apparently it’s our fault for having an “old” TV that requires a mysterious box. I was intially patient but after a week of waiting I phoned them and ask when the mysterious box was going to be delivered. “Oh no Mrs And-er-son, we get a technician to come out”. Delightful. “He will come on the 24th. In the morning.” I change my appointments to the afternoon. Mid morning I call the Big V and mention that I’m wondering if they’re coming today because we never got a message asking us to be home. After 4 revolutions of the playlist Ms Horrible-Customer-Care said I wouldn’t need anyone to come and she was transferring me to Tech Support who would do it over the phone, “Just wait Mrs And-er-son I will transfer you in, one….two….three!” Tech Support’s play list is exactly the same as the Wait in Hell playlist only this time I get 6 revolutions. I am getting a little fed up with “Here comes the Sun”. I’d prefer “Here comes the service I’m paying you for” but I wait. I’m putting the last peg on the first load of washing and Yes! A voice out of my phone saying ….”I can’t hear you, is there anyone there? If no-one answers I’m hanging up..” I grab the phone and scream,  ‘YES!!!! I’m here! I’m here!” but he’s gone and I face the dilemma. Do I really need to do this? “Whimp” goes my inner critic so I put on another load of washing, make a cup of tea and head once more into the Dark Lands of Vodofone.  2 playlist revolutions  later and I finally get someone who speaks English and understands. In fact no-one was more delighted than she when I remembered the 4 digit pin. I had forward momentum. I replayed yet again the entire saga. “And by the way,” I added, “no-one can phone us.” She didn’t even pause. “Of course Mrs And-er-son. The line is in maintainance until the technician comes.” Well, well well. That would have been nice to know because I’ve also spent a week reprogramming our phone and had decided it was due for replacement. “Breathe and wave” I thought to myself as I listened to  Mz Really-Nice-and-Thorough Customer Care operator who thought the best thing was to talk to tech support. “I’ll just place you on hold for a minute.” Manical laughter isn’t helpful – but I managed to hang out another load of washing, take another trip to the toilet and gather all the stuff I need for this afternoon in one place. EVENTUALLY I’m talking to Mr Tech Support himself whose first words are “Yes they are coming this afternoon.” That would be the afternoon I changed all my appointments to so I could accommodate them this morning. His next words however, spoke even louder. “And if they don’t turn up please phone us tomorrow and we can book you another time.”